It’s been a month and I hope this whole grief thing is not about counting my minutes, days and years without you. I pray it’s not about the hollowness of time, as it feels right now, in the newness of this loss; but rather about counting the blessings of our life together, in both incarnations. With you here and with you in heaven, yet with me … ❤
I’ve learned some things this last month, My Darling …
I’ve learned that … Life goes on!
In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life; it goes on. ~ Robert Frost
This is so true in it’s honesty. Life just simply does not stop because my heart has. It continues to move forward whether I can breath or not. And if I decide not to breath, if I decide to remain stuck in this mire of grief, indefinitely, life will go on without me.
So I must go on without you, physically with me. But you, My Love, you are always with me, in my heart, in my spirit, in my soul.
No matter how I’d dream it to go back, for just a minute of the time you were truly still with me, it keeps moving forward. And you know how as the years passed it went faster and faster and faster? Well! Let me tell you my dear, it’s flying. Seems just a second ago you were out mowing the lawn and coming in for some iced tea and kissing me on the head before you went back out for another round. But that wasn’t yesterday, it wasn’t even two months ago … that last happened last year. But if your were here it would be today! =)
I’ve learned that I go on … amazes me sometimes, but I keep moving forward. I’ve slowed down quite a bit. I was really trying to get everything in order, right this minute, I guess in hopes that there would be an answer to all of this when the hard things were done.
I’ve learned that for right now, right here in this world, there is no answer as to why you were called home. Except of course that you mission was complete. Oh how you must’ve made Father God so happy! That crowd of people who LOVED you so much. Who you touched, each and every one, for the Kingdom of God! You made your mark for God, that’s for sure. ❤
I’ve learned that life goes on, even if you’re not here. At first that made me very angry, but I know you want me to live. You said so. You said to me during this struggle, that has ended for you but only just changed form for me, that I would be okay, and I want so much to do what you’d want of me, here and now.
I’ve learned that I have to rely on myself again. I know it’s what you want, but again I am taking this slowly. There are things that need to get done properly and haste will cause me trouble, I know it will.
I’ve learned that there is much more for me to learn and to get done … and I’ve learned that these are things I only wanted to do with you.
So with you forever in my heart, we will do these things together. Holy Spirit will guide me and these things will be set in order.
I continue to learn, as always, that God has a perfect plan for us, for me, and as long as I allow God to be in control everything will work out for my good.
So I’ve learned to continue to live in what we lived when you were here, with me. I live according to God’s plans and purposes for my life, as we did, and God will establish my plans and they will succeed.
I love you to eternity, My Love. ❤